THOUGHTS AND VVIBES: The Crown, Older Men and Humongous by Declan McKenna

 

I was watching this last season of The Crown, season 5, and I identified with Diana in some ways because her story is, I think, the story of many women. The older man, the rush, being young and "doing something right" by marrying the right person, feeling amazing and then being pulled down by reality, being humiliated by what they call “love” and being enraged.

I am still, 7 years later, not the age of the first man I fell in love with, and he used to demand maturity from me, I used to demand it from myself, I could not act childish or have childish impulses and demands, like answers and understanding and respect, or else I was unattractive, immature, annoying, not worthy of attention. He made me go from a beautiful, confident and charming 15-year old that had the world in her hands to an anxious, depressed, sad 18-year-old. Truth is, I was 15 and I was pretty much a child trying to walk in shoes too big for her feet. But it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t even entirely his.

Plus older men will often talk about how us girls are not their age, and that we don’t understand and that it’s difficult, and it’s true, we are not their age, we don’t understand and at this point, I personally don’t want to nor do I have to. We are young and have never been their age, won’t be for a while, why should we understand them instead of them, who were once our age, understand us? Why do they expect us to take their condescending looks and stay? To say thank you for the crumbs they give us?

At 22 years of age, I will leave. I will leave with angry, dripping eyes, I will leave saying I love you but I love me more. I will leave and I’ll kick and scream my way out. 

One thing men, especially older men, don't understand is that I have all the right in the world to be childish, to be feral, to be savage. I have all the right in the world to spit and bite.

The world is mine. I am young, I am a woman and they cannot tame me.

People tend to underestimate young women greatly, say we are naive and weak but they don’t realize how angry we are, and that what they call naivety is hope, to finally be safe and finally be loved the way we want to. I can only speak for myself but I feel like we end up carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders and then sit through lectures by men about how our shoulders are tense and we should relax, loosen up, and then they hurt us, and when they do we realize men only want us to loosen up because they wanted to hurt us.

And I think like that because to me, to ask someone to wait while you decide if you want their love or not is simply the cruelest and egoistic thing you can do. To ask someone to prove themselves to you in order to have your love is ridiculous. To compare people and see if they compete for your attention is disgusting. So I look for people who will value others from the start, who respect and cherish their company with no conditions and no tests, only mutual respect and eventually love.

I am what some would call high maintenance, out of choice, you see, when I have my needs met I am sensible and flexible, I will go out of my way to settle and I will give my partner everything. When I feel safe and loved, I thrive and I shine, I am everything, but take those away and you discover I am ruthless and cold. And that’s what I look for, this feeling that I am bigger than everything, that I can close bullet wounds with kisses, but I am not willing to give it away for anything less than hazy, childish, drunk love. And I don’t think anyone should settle for less. And I think no one should love like this is healing and forgiving and it’s light like air and everybody should be able to live it.

VVIBE CHECKING: Imploding the Mirage by The Killers

There's a strong divine element on Imploding the Mirage and I vvibe deeply with it. I think Brandon Flowers finally overcame the commercial success that Battleborn was 

Sam’s Town feels like a prayer and so does The Desired Effect, I’m gonna be honest, despite being a huge The Killers’ fan, I haven’t listened to all of their albums, I feel like later on in life I’m gonna have a new The Killers phase, but at the moment I’m having a Declan McKenna phase. 

But I always feel like there are divine elements in their albums, Hot Fuss has a little bit of it in All These Things That I’ve Done, Sam’s Town is the champion, the whole album feels like prayer, and Imploding the Mirage is really close to it but I can’t tell if more or less of the vibe right now because it’s too recent. Battleborn has it in some songs like Flesh and Bone which gives me real chills and is the number one song that feels like a prayer on my “songs that feel like praying” playlist. 

From the first images they revealed, I felt this feeling could be coming back in the album, but when they released it, it was so much more than I had anticipated. Someone said to me that this album is depressing but I don’t agree. I think it’s inspiring, the same way Alex Turner made an entire album about decadence by embracing it, I think Brandon Flowers learned from it. Brandon’s lyrics sound and feel like a person who has found true glory would.

It wasn’t going to be easy to write a masterpiece after the commercial success of Battleborn, that I consider to be a masterpiece album that is basically everything an album by them should be amped to the max, it’s romantic, it’s a little sad and it’s divine, but I feel like Imploding the Mirage is everything and a little bit more. It’s mature, it's something that has healed and it's celestial. It’s not Miss Atomic Bomb, it’s Dying Breed, Brandon is not talking about treason and regret, he’s fighting for real love, he is finally safe, secure, after years of anxious love songs, full of overthinking, deception and miscommunication.

It feels self-conscious in a good way, this has been a recurrent theme throughout their songs but this time it sounds more sincere, I mean: “but man I thought I could fly, and when I hit the ground, it made a messed up sound and it kept on rattling through my days” won me over 02:05 minutes into the album, it’s mature, it told me what this album was about and it was like hearing someone who finally got to the place they were supposed to be, like breathing deeply after holding your breath for a little too long. 

Neil Z. Yeung from ALLMUSIC said “feels like more than just one of their best albums, but a triumphant and invigorated rut-reversal that shines with a hard-won confidence.” and I couldn't agree more.

Wonderful Wonderful was a big flop, and I think now the band is back on track and ready to take on the world all over again, not with another Mr. Brightside, like everybody expects them to make, but with the ease and grace of a band who consciously found their voice and is never gonna lose it again.

A VVIBE: Arctic Monkeys live

I was thinking about it yesterday and I really wish I could see them live again. The way Alex Turner writes lyrics, it just charms me, because it’s so easy to feel them under your skin. I feel like the lyrics to Alex’s love songs melt in your mouth like chocolate when you sing them, they feel so good on your tongue. Actually, Alex’s songs, in general, feel good in the mouth, all of them, there’s a sensation that accompanies his lyrics that I can’t describe, it’s like saying the right thing at the right time maybe? Anyway, it feels good in your ears, when you hum them under your breath, and even better when you scream them in a crowd at the top of your lungs.

And I feel like they are personal to him, they are far from vague but in the vaguest way possible if that makes any sense. It’s like he knows how to talk about things in a way that’s vague enough to resonate with other people, yet the details he gives us are sometimes so specific that you can’t help but feel like this was part of his life? I was talking to a friend about it and it’s a little cringy when you think about the songs because of this, but when you are actually listening to them, it’s a completely different feeling.

Suck it and See is personally my favorite album by them, the second half is raw in a way that truly describes what heartbreak feels like and I just vvibe deeply with it. It also talks about love in a way that really pleases me, it feels real. From falling in love to falling apart, it’s a journey that I feel like Alex just knows too well, actually, I know he does because he writes about it in a way that only people who have truly been to heaven and hell know how.

That’s why I think an Arctic Monkeys concert is so personal, take The Killers for an example, their concert is a divine experience, it feels like your upper body is radiating light, to me most of the songs feel like a connection with God and divine energy that Brandon knows how to put in his songs, but in an Arctic Monkeys concert everybody sings 505 to a different person, everybody screams “I crumble completely when you cry” for a personal and particular reason and it’s about the crowd, it’s about you and the taste you feel in your mouth. I personally feel the taste of youth when I sing 505 because it reminds me of my teenage years and the way I wish someone had felt like about me back then.

These songs just hit different live, not that they weren’t already an experience in my earbuds but I remember thinking I had to listen to them live just to have this moment, just so I could scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs because they feel so right and they feel so good.

What concert would you like to see again? Why?