A BIT MORE THAN 365 VVIBES AKA THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

It's around 11pm right now and it just occurred to me that this blog is completed 1 year THIS MONTH!!!!!!!

I know I said this was going to be a 1 year project, but since I got two jobs and no time throughout this year, I think it wouldn't be fair to just leave it at that, WHICH MEANS I WILL BE HERE FOR ANOTHER YEAR and hopefully 2022 will be an year full of delightful posts, both to read and to write.

I haven't been active here but you can catch me on the Foresight Forum if you want to read about the latest trends. I've been an intern there since July and I absolutely love it. I really love researching trends, it makes me really, really happy, I hope someday I get a paid job doing it, it's the only thing I see myself working with.

Oh and I will probably be getting a boob job by the end of the year so there is that! I hope I'll be able to bring in some stuff in november, but until then:

Take care, if you're reading this, I love you, thank you for popping by! VVIBING's second year is gonna be great!

VVIBE CHECKING: PRESSURE MACHINE

I called it last year when I vvibe checked Imploding the Mirage, they have found their voice and now The Killers are back with a beautiful album.

It really surprised me when they announced another album so soon, especially after the 3 years between Wonderful Wonderful and Imploding the Mirage. I can’t say I was expecting it but it was silly not to, having found their voice, why wouldn’t they use it.

Although different from the previous albums, it doesn't feel experimental, it’s confident and graceful. It doesn’t waver like Lover by Taylor Swift or Father of all… by Green day, it plants its feet on the ground and tells a story.

Pressure Machine reminds me a lot of Sam’s Town, to me it’s their second album but earthy, mature and artistic. It’s not as personal but the recurring themes are still there; The difficult relationships, the small town blues, the wanderlust. 

This album has very little divine in it, there’s almost no sky, it feels grounded in many ways. The story that is told itself is one of people tied to a small town, to their “birthright”, people who would have been different in another place, in another life. People who wanted more.

It didn't make me cross my heart like Flesh and Bone or Neon Tiger, but it got me dancing at 8 am, it got me laughing just because the way it sounds makes me feel all this energy. My favourite songs were In The Car Outside and In Another Life, for some reason they are like tasting something that makes you wonder how you lived without it until now, they just taste like the first jagerbomb I ever had that good in the mouth, the kind of song that every line, every progression, hits you like it wasn’t what you expected but it’s so, so much better.

I feel like it's a fever dream album, it’s conceptual, there are characters that I haven't understood just yet because I only listened to it like 3 times. Much like folklore and evermore by Taylor Swift, the personal elements are weaved through the lyrics in a way that’s almost imperceptible, something that is very new to this band. Brandon has always written lyrics that are closely tied with his own experiences and views on love, religion, everything really, so it’s amazing to see this kind of distance because it feels new to us but it’s probably also new to him and the rest of the band. 

In my last post about them I said Imploding the Mirage, an album that I am dying to listen to live,“was like hearing someone who finally got to the place they were supposed to be, like breathing deeply after holding your breath for a little too long.” and this is what happens after. Pressure Machine feels like having fun in this immaterial place, like vvibing just because they can, so there are violins and harmonicas, songs that feel like theirs but another side of them, a side we haven’t seen until now but it’s amazing and exciting and I hope to see more. 

KIND OF A VVIBE: A VERY EMOTIONAL REVIEW OF SHADOW AND BONE

 So I’ve been reading Shadow and Bone after watching the netflix show and I’ve read that the Darkling is based on the author's own story of abuse and I respect that, but she wrote him in a way that I can’t help but sympathize with him. The entire first half of the first book of the series writes him as someone who’s not really that bad, I mean, apart from murder and treason, that isn’t really shown until the second half, he’s just a powerful troubled man, who’s quickly falling for this promising young woman, and doesn’t know what to do with his hands. From what we gather when we first meet him in the book, he wants to give Alina everything and more, he wants her beside him, powerful, brilliant. 

What is not to like? Am I supposed to delete that from my brain after 3 pages of Darkling slander? I mean sure this is a murder machine we are talking about but hey, the author ended up writing a lovable murder machine and there isn’t much I can do about it. This man wants to see Alina in her glory, he wants her to shine, to be a saint, to learn how to use her powers and be healthy (the whole grisha thing about having to use their powers to keep their good health), above everything he gives her security, comfort, support and a good environment to grow in the little palace, well until she runs away, betrays his trust, tries to murder him and gets back with that annoying little bitch aka Mal.

Like I am not saying he is a good person and that he did all of these things out of having a good heart and a caring disposition. He did plan to use her power, but he wasn’t exactly an asshole about it from the beginning. I honestly think, in the way the story is told it just seems like he wanted to give her all of that and have her by his side willingly, the entire romantic subplot is a separate thing, it’s a coincidence that happened out of this man’s 500 years of waiting and finally she is there, and she glows and she laughs and smiles and he is smitten, but it was his plan to have her willingly by his side all along. If the author tries to paint him as a mastermind, a brilliant manipulator, she failed hard because he’s either very bad at it or his intentions were too hidden from the reader, like, even a scene that felt suspicious, like Alina listening to something she shouldn’t have, out of context but still weird enough to have her alarmed could have helped set him in this role better than the sequence passionate, sincere, heated kiss, argument with Mal, Bahgra and running away.

I am not saying he wasn’t gaslighting her when he pulled the whole “did you think about how I felt?” card but 1) he may be onto something because back in the little palace it was Bahgra’s word against his; 2) this man is doing his best to protect the country and his people, even if his personal best is bad, like he is ruthless but he does have a point, even if the way he is trying to make his statement is fucked up. When Alina goes back to Mal, she becomes that sick, weak girl again and she has to worry about him and what he thinks of her every step of the way. She constantly has to make herself smaller to fit his life and it just doesn’t sit right with me.

If Mal had been accepting of her powers than I could have given him a chance, but he just acts like Alina is supposed to be the sickly orphan he always knew, instead of letting her be the powerful, beautiful, ambitious woman she was not only born to be, she starts showing signs of wanting to be in Siege and Storm when she’s negotiating the terms of her return to Os Alta with Nikolai. I’m still in the middle of the second book so there’s still a lot to uncover.

And I don’t want to be all Darkling about it, but Alina wasn’t born to be a good wife to a soldier and live a simple life on a farm and raise Mal’s kids. If she wasn’t fit to do it before she had powers, why the fuck would she be fit to do it after becoming one of the most powerful people in Ravka? Like, to me, Mal just wants to bring her down, back where he had her before, a girl with a crush on her best friend, because it made him important and it made her invisible. It’s selfish and cruel. I don’t agree with Aleksander in everything, I mean, he is a murderer after all, but I can’t help but think Alina would be better off with him, someone who not only matches her power but wants to see her thrive, he wants her to see him and still love him, he wants to corrupt her and it still sounds better than whatever the fuck she and Mal are doing up until this point, because as Aleks and Nikolai have pointed out, this girl has the power to save the country and she was running away; at this point, say what you will, but her hands are just as bloody as anyone else’s, even if she didn’t want the power, even if she didn’t want to be a symbol of hope.

Personally, I have reached a point in my head that is more “let Alina be corrupted for all I care, if it means she is loved, if it means she is adored” and less “let’s see Aleksander’s redemption arc”, because let’s face it, none of his actions put her in a bad light, he always framed himself as the villain, she was always supposed to be the one people loved. I’ve seen spoilers, I know how it will go but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it because at this point in my life, I am a good person and I will continue being a good person, but it’s what I would’ve wanted for me. I don’t want to reform anyone, I want to be adored and loved and I want to give it all back, I don’t want the trouble of making a man better if he already loves me, or even the trouble of having to cut out parts of myself to fit somebody else’s idea of me. I want both me and Alina to have the damn cake and eat it too.

I identify with her a little too much, but as someone who had a relationship with someone older who showed her affection no other boy has ever come close to compare, I would rather have it from the deranged old dude, and feel worshipped, loved, secure, knowing it’s us against the world, than to have a third of it from the boy I left in my past back when I didn’t know what love was supposed to look like and thought if he was willing to be with me, even if he never bothered to make me feel secure, it should be enough, I should be grateful.

In conclusion, I think Mal is toxic and Alina doesn’t deserve this kind of “love”, the Darkling wasn’t right but he did have a point and people who can’t recognize it are in a state of denial, and that’s not any of my business. Nikolai is nice but he has too much gemini energy and it annoys me sometimes because I am a gemini myself.

VVIBING TO: OLIVIA RODRIGO AND TEENAGE RAGE

I started out on the wrong foot already, I listened to SOUR at work. I held on tight for most of the album but hope ur ok broke me.

Her debut album is definitely a no-skip and God, Olivia is doing her shadow work. Listening to this album felt healing in a weird way, like my inner child being seen, maybe it’s because she is half asian; But she really dived deep in her own feelings and had the courage to sing about all of them, even the “ugly” unpopular ones no one likes to admit they have, and I think that as much as it made me cry and it hurt a little bit, it was like hurting with her and running my hands through my inner child’s hair, like “hey, look, this young girl is also going through it, see how much she is loved even if she’s singing about the things you don’t say out loud? Maybe you’re not as bad as you think you are”.

I don't relate to Olivia Rodrigo exactly, I mean, I don't even know how to drive, but there are snippets of her lyrics that are like being stabbed, just the way she says it, it's just like the rhythm thoughts come when you are breaking down and I relate to that.

The way it starts slow, and then it builds up and gets agitated, the feeling gains confidence, it starts being mean, and then it screams in sadness and rage, it has bitterness in its voice, and then it gets quiet, it's just sad, like acceptance.

Miss girl really managed to make an album that, although I can't relate on a subject level, I can relate in a cadence of thoughts level, it's like girly bottled up every breakdown I've had through my teens and almost 20s in this album.

She managed to sing in detail the feeling of when its cloudy and late in the afternoon and the cold wind hits you when you are walking somewhere and the sadness of grief slowly builds up on the way, and your thoughts start racing until it makes you want to scream and then it's quiet, a tiny voice, childish, barely a whisper, that says "I miss you".

I may be projecting hard here but a mixed kid raised by a white mom gave us SOUR. This kind of rage, loneliness, and jealousy, brutal self-awareness, is something I’ve never seen someone who is not “different” show. Like not that other people don’t show “ugly” feelings like this but I have never felt more seen in music, I swear to god, those were my adolescence struggles and also I have carried some of them into adulthood.

I mean she never says anything like that in the songs with all the words and like I said, maybe I am projecting, but I feel like even if you have friends and feel loved, being bi-racial makes you crave belonging in a way that is rarely talked about. So when you finally do and you feel like it’s you and them against the world, and the person ends up breaking your heart, I feel like maybe it cuts a little deeper. And it takes a little longer to heal. But when you drop the act, all the things you do to get closer to belonging, you find your own select group of castaways.

As much as it hurts and grieving relationships is hard, things get better, I swear. One day that whispery voice becomes a casual visitor in your head, you welcome it like an old, old friend, let it linger for a bit, you ask it how it’s been and if it needs something. Sometimes it needs a scent, sometimes a song, sometimes it’s just there to congratulate you on how far you’ve come; and then you say your farewells and hope it doesn’t come back soon. One day you look around and there's nowhere else you want to be, you finally belong with yourself and to yourself.

VVIBING ON TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER NEW GRAMMY, AND LIKE IN GENERAL

So Taylor Swift won another Grammy. GOOD FOR HER OH MY GOD SHE DESERVED IT.

Men, cis, and straight mostly, hate Taylor Swift, we all know that. They will go out of their way to tell you how her music is bad, how she only sings about breakups, how she’s lame, without ever stopping to listen to one of her songs.

Well, I personally think they are afraid of her. I think men, guys, boys, are afraid of the young pretty girl who calls them out on their bullshit, who sang “Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame // Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away” at 20 years old. They are afraid because Taylor profits off their lies and lives her best life. Girls, gays and theys who listen to Taylor Swift are not afraid to be soft but are not to be messed with, at least not since Blank Space was released. So men act like her songs are boring and childish.

But they don’t get it. They can’t even begin to fathom that maybe the reason why we love Taylor Swift so much, and scream-sing her lyrics like they are sacred texts, is because she writes about a thing that’s fundamentally human, relationships. Mostly heartbreaking ones.

And it doesn't matter who breaks your heart, it doesn’t matter if it's a boy from college, or high school, or Jake Gyllenhaal; heartbreak is heartbreak, and an universal feeling that unites people all over the world singing All Too Well crying at 3 am.

She started her career with cute songs about love then grew up to be one of the most successful women in the music industry and GOOD FOR HER. She is loved by millions of teenage girls around the world because she sings about men breaking her heart, and not something considered cool and edgy. She sings about highs and lows, and sometimes things we feel, ugly things, that we can’t even admit to ourselves. 

(click the pic for source)

And Taylor Swift puts all those feelings, the emptiness, hopelessness, heartache, envy, jealousy, anger into lyrics, and that’s very brave of her. She helps us put the feeling into words, so we don’t have to do it alone, and feel seen and heard, comforted; because then we know for sure we are not the first, nor the last to feel like their heart might as well implode and take your body with it so you can stop crying over a stupid guy. Yet, as much as her lyrics are sad, they are hopeful, there are good relationships in the world too, there are better days to come, this sadness is not everlasting, it can’t be. If she is alive and well, you too will heal, you know?

That’s the beauty of her discography. She calls men out the way we wish we had the courage, or the words, or the chance to do; she keeps writing from the heart, even if the media comes after her again and again, and she wins every time because they can break her heart and say some nasty things about her but they can’t stop her. She sings with us through nights of dreaming, of grieving relationships, and promise after promise to never be caught in a situation like this again, still, her songs won’t ever judge if you ever do.

To me sitting with my headphones on, listening to Taylor Swift is comfort. It’s knowing if she got over Harry Styles, you can get over that crusty dehydrated guy; it’s knowing there’s always a new beginning and you’re gonna be ok and find someone who you would marry with paper rings. 

EMOTIONAL VVIBES: GRIEF AS A CHARACTER

 I think the MCU approaches being a human superhero in a beautiful way that is so realistic that sometimes it gets lost in translation. The way issues like PTSD, grief, insecurity, rejection, abandonment, and other stuff impact these heroes' lives is much more realistic than any dark and gloomy universe that was ever shown in other franchises.

It really makes me happy that these heroes all have flaws because none of them is a hero by divine right only, they are mostly human, and even if they aren’t they have human-like traits and weaknesses. People have told me over and over again how the MCU is superficial because it’s set in a fairytale or science-fiction-like world so different from ours but I think it’s the most realistic representation there is of people with superpowers causing havoc because they have feelings and they have flaws.

Starting from the beginning, Tony gets his hands on power and responsibility he has no psychological structure to deal with and although his intentions are good, he makes mistakes over and over again even when he’s trying to fix things and these have real impact on his future decisions and the chain of events of the movies; later on, we see a much more mature and stable Tony whose decisions are better but there was a path to that.

Thor’s arch is also very interesting if you leave the execution of his plot in Endgame out, the idea was exciting, but the Russos failed the character. But his journey from Arrogant Golden Boy with divine powers and a hammer to Leader was beautiful. I won’t go through every single Avenger but you see Doctor Strange, Captain America, T’Challa and I’m sure I’m forgetting someone important, whose beliefs were constantly questioned through the movies and led to major breakthroughs and changes, is fantastic, they start their character arches raw and grow from there.

I just finished WandaVision and the way the MCU has been dealing with grief since Spider-Man: Far From Home charms me and makes me appreciate this universe even more, the fact that Peter’s grief and lack of maturity, because well... he is a teenager, isn’t just mentioned but causes real problems and growth, the way his grieving of a father figure or idol is a character itself in FFH, and his self-doubt and realization of how there’s more responsibility in his hands than he is able to deal with hitting him on the gut over and over again until he breaks down talking to Happy who lost his best friend and still is able to comfort Peter in a way that was so delicate and sensible that it comforted me after losing my favorite superhero, even through a screen, is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in fiction.

And now we see another side of grief in Wanda, grief that makes you hopeless, grief that has nowhere to look forward to, makes it too much to bear, grief that feels like a hole in your chest that’s never going to be filled up again. Wanda getting lost in her own grief, which has been there through her entire life, getting stronger every time she lost the people closest to her to the point her breaking down created a tiny world of her own where she gets to live the life she always dreamt about and won’t let anyone take it away from her is so fucking powerful and beautiful to see. I also love the impact of this in the cinematic universe but that’s another thread of thought. 

Seeing Agnes constantly trying to wake her up and Wanda being so lost in character, in grief, she has no idea of what is or isn’t her making. The way denial and anger and all the normal reactions to grief are amplified by her having the strongest superpowers and these cause a real impact on everything around her quite literally... It just made me want to scream over how real it all was, yet not exactly like what reality is depicted in superhero movies or shows like the Nolan trilogy (which I watched and respect but remembering it, it just sounds a little too silly, and IDK I might be wrong but it doesn’t change the fact) or The Boys, which I haven’t watched but at this point, you probably noticed how much I don’t like this type of reality, just doesn’t hit me as hard. As realistic as they claim to be, in my head, the real world just has more emotions, problems caused by fear, insecurity, sadness, pettiness, arrogance, ignorance, and immaturity, not everything is caused by being a selfish asshole or a psychopath.

Which is why I adore the MCU so much, even if sometimes they don’t get to really explore the entire journeys, like in IM3, where Tony has panic attacks and then they are gone, the fact that these things are canon and not only that, they get to be major plot points makes me really happy. As much as people claim that the MCU is a disgusting blob of the same movies, I think that the structure and the consistency they created is what allows things this naturally human and deep to be addressed, you just have to be looking at the right side of it, past the aesthetics and the things that are honestly white noise left from the world in which these movies started (2008) and to the way these characters are allowed to grow throughout the movies, even if they’re not and will never be perfect.

VVIBING TO MILLENIAL ANTHEMS aka FUN.

I have been a huge fan of fun. since I discovered Barlights because of an Avengers College AU back in 2012(?). You may remember them by We Are Young, which was their biggest hit, but this was the first band I liked in my teens and I was thinking about it because indie music has come a long, long way, but to me, fun. is the very definition of 2010’s indie.

The band started in 2008 (hmm merry crisis I guess) when the band members were around their mid-20s if I’m not mistaken. Born in the eighties these were three millennial men, like they say in Barlights, they were the get-rich-quick-kids who never got it right, making music in NYC, just you know…. trying to make it, trying to become stars, trying to succeed and well, succeeding but having to deal with it in ways they never thought about.

The song that opens their first album, Be Calm is a fucking anthem, to me, those are the words of someone who is really trying hard in many ways and who knows failure “after all you lost your band and left your mom”,  “now every single crack, every penny that I pass says I should either leave or pick it up”, “If I could only find my people or my place in life”, to me, fun. represents the resentment, the disappointment of millennials. In some ways, it’s the theme that carries on through the whole first record, and I adore it.

They were the face of what hipsters were, the skinny jeans and suspenders, dress shoes, and short-sleeved shirts. The colorful melancholy of leaving home and trying to make it in a big city because well, what else is there to do? Leave your mom, leave your friends, survive, feel alive because of it, become someone else, become immortal. It’s the most millennial thing I’ve ever seen, it is in my point of view the millennial dream and also the millennial fall. 

The bands I like to call Mainstream Indie, like The Killers or Arctic Monkeys, reached ridiculous success too early in some ways, Alex Turner was only 16 when Arctic Monkeys started, Brandon Flowers was 23 when Mr.Brightside blew up. Nate Ruess, Jack Antonoff, and Andrew Dost started a band in 2008 looking for something and they found it, it wasn’t exactly what they wanted I guess, because Some Nights is an album that questions, from the opening track, what they got from Aim and Ignite, “I sold my soul for this? Washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this?”, “Five minutes in and I’m bored again, ten years of this and I’m not sure if anybody understands”.

It’s an album where I think Nate, and I mean Nate specifically because even though he did go solo after fun., he is not interested in singing anymore, whereas Jack Antonoff is still making music, questions, if 1) this is really his place in the world and 2,) if it was worth it, and expanding it a little more, it wasn’t; because if he didn’t stick around after the success that was We Are Young, the millennial generational anthem, then it really, really wasn’t it.

But the evolution from Aim and Ignite to Some Nights to Grand Romantic and Bleachers is a beautiful thing to see. Aim and Ignite has a weird pessimism behind its happy and colorful first impression, Some Nights questions and questions but also burns in youthfulness even though it’s mature, to me there’s no band, no record that captures the voice of millennial youth better than these, the same way that Declan McKenna, Conan Gray, Billie Eilish are some of the artists that capture older Gen Z’s voice beautifully. “I close my eyes and think about tomorrow, it never came true”, It captures the voice of a moment that happened right before Instagram, right before smartphones and  Tinder, right before chaos.

They were invincible, they were the future, the same way we are now, they were glorious, they were young, and in New York City, what could possibly go wrong? But aging is terrifying, not reaching an idealized idea of success is terrifying, and that’s the beauty of it, this was the generation that could not get jobs, that could only have the things society promised the later in life or never even got them so they blew up Instagram posts of their lunches and made avocado toast and light (millennial) pink a thing. 

“I’m standing in Brooklyn just waiting for something to happen, I can’t help but love thinking that everyone doesn’t get it.” And I don’t think people get it, the older generation thinks millennials are spoiled brats who can’t do anything and the younger generation thinks millennials are just crybabies when honestly, they were raised to live in a world that doesn’t exist anymore and they really weren’t ready for it no one would have been. There is resentment and I think that fun. fully embodies this very specific millennial feeling of resentment and does it beautifully.

“Cause no one here is gonna save us”

 

THOUGHTS AND VVIBES: Blond Vronsky took Anna Karenina (2012) to another level

Hear me out, I’ve been reading Anna Karenina and in the book, Vronsky is the classic tall, dark and handsome man but I think, if the movie had kept this physical appearance like he is canonically, the movie would not have the right seasoning, it would feel like it was too much trouble for an average reward.

What I love about Joe Wright’s Anna Karenina is the way the whole story is told visually, the way the colors and the costumes, the takes, and the acting tell you the story without the need for words. To me, visually the story is so clear that when you put it all together with the screenplay, you want to scream because it’s almost overwhelming.

The way I see it is that blond, starry-eyed Vronsky, wearing white and pastel blue, glowing with youth is what makes us believe that it is worth it, the whole story, the whole affair is worth it. Anna is not giving up her life for any man, she is throwing it all away for the living, breathing image of a fairy tale prince, a hero, the narrative is already told before anything even happens because this angelic young Vronsky looks like the image the average person has of the beautiful (in eurocentric standards) prince, riding the white horse, who is going to save the princess. I know it’s not the way it’s set in the movie but as a visual narrative, it’s just so fitting. This and the way the movie is directed makes you agree with Anna, not Alexei, and it’s not that Alexei Alexandrovich is an old boring man who doesn’t love her, it is the shift from an average marriage to a glorious fairytale-like love affair.

The color palette of his clothes is simple and even childishly so, the kind you could find in Disney Princess’ movies, made to make Vronsky look like a vision, like he stands apart from everything else in Anna's world, like in the train station scene after they meet when his cap is the only white dot on the screen. In a world of gray, black, natural and deep colors; he is a breath of fresh air, he stands apart from reality, like a mirage.

And to me Vronsky has to look “childish”, young, fresh like pastel colors and summer attire, a serious-faced grown man wearing the same colors as Alexei Alexandrovich, who knows a lot about life, would not be caught in a situation like that. He would not let himself love Anna to the point of disgrace and even take the blame for it, but he does because he has to feel like a teenager HE HAS TO FEEL LIKE HE CAN BEND THE RULES OF SOCIETY TO HIS FAVOUR, HE HAS TO FEEL LIKE HE CAN WIN, and it contrasts with Anna’s husband because Alexei Alexandrovich is always trying to bring her back to reality, to save his and her reputation, he is a good man but he is not a hero, and the visuals tell you this so clearly, take them away and it could be way more difficult to understand it, it’s the divinization of the man (2009, p.31,32) that Mario Queiroz talks about in his study “O Herói Desmascarado” (The Unmasked Hero, free translation) when he says courage and strength are the qualities of a hero and courage is associated with beauty.

The hero is different and conventionally beautiful, his clothes and accessories set him apart from other men, he is superior and you can see that, and intentional or not, Vronsky’s costume design represents exactly this in the movie.

Not only him, but Kitty’s palette is the same and to me, it represents how in Levin’s narrative, Kitty is his fairytale, his “hero”, his glory but because neither is married and their love is allowed, “pure” before society, so they have a happy ending

Back to Vronsky’s color palette, it shifts by the end of the movie, when everything goes down you see him become grayer and grayer, he is not the shiny, arrogant, happy man who could do whatever he wanted as he was before, he is strangled by the rules of society and it’s tiring him out.

But if he was a brunette it simply would not have the same effect, as well thought and as the rest of the production is, take away his blond hair and the look of childish-like desperation, desire, and admiration you see in Aaron Taylor Johnson’s too young face and it just doesn’t read as worth it. In this scenario, Anna is guilty, it’s not a fairytale without the blond hair, the desperate eyes of a teenager with a crush, and the white uniform because our minds are programmed to read it this way. Without them it’s not justified passion, it’s just cheating.

And that’s why I think Joe Wright’s decision to make Vronsky the embodiment of the golden youths (as he said in the Bluray commentary) was so right, it made the movie go from a drama to a tragedy, by making the narrative a little bit easier to read, the visuals tell you who you should root for and what are the character’s roles so you have more time to simply feel the dialogue and the twists and turns of the story, making it intense enough to make you cry and want to scream.

MEDICATED VVIBES and also, I got a job

Hello friends, it is I, Helena, coming to tell you I AM FINALLY MEDICATED, I have been suffering from anxiety since I was 16, actually my whole life but it only started really affecting me at 16, I also have a suspicion I have ADHD and no one noticed because I have always had good grades. AND I AM FINALLY ON MEDICATION, today is my first day taking it but I just hope I can write better content for you people! Content that has a beginning a middle and an end!!! What a dream!!!!

I also want to announce that I got a job! It does mean that I will have less time to write but let's hope with the medication I can still get both done! And this is supposed to be, at least, a one-year project, so don't worry, I will be here at least until October 2021. 

I just wanted to share the good news so you have a little more info on what is going on in my life and also thank the enormous (in my view) traffic there's been on the blog, I never even dared to imagine so many people would see the stuff that I write, so thank you so much for reading the thoughts of a very confused goblin.

I think that's it for today, love you bebehs!

VVIBE WITH ME: a loving review of Father of All Motherfuckers by Green Day

The fanbase hated Green Day’s latest album, Father of All…(implied motherfuckers bcs I’m sure Spotify would have flagged it) but I didn’t, and here is why:

I did not vvibe deeply with it, I’m not gonna lie, but Green Day has had a very long journey in the industry and they finally have the autonomy, the respect and the means to do whatever they want, so I don’t think it’s weird that they wanted to do something experimental.

That’s how this album felt to me, experimental, like American Beauty/American Psycho by Fall Out Boy, the pop mess that was so fun to listen to but wasn’t really that cohesive, got a little tiring after a while and it really felt like an album made for testing out what the band was capable of doing but still very enjoyable. 

It feels like this is exactly what this new album is supposed to be, fun to make, a little raw and a little messy, but the blueprint of an absurdly good next album, like Fall Out Boy’s Mania, which not only made a lot of sense as an evolution from AB/AP but it felt glorious, new and timeless at the same time, the kind of album that quickly became one of my favorites and had so many feelings tangled in it that even though I rarely listen to it these days, I absolutely adore it, 3 years after it’s release it provokes emotions so intense that it feels like the first time I heard it.

Green Day is a band that has evolved and keeps evolving album after album, to me it was actually weird to see them release Revolution Radio, an album that seems to me like a copy of American Idiot. They have grown and their albums sound like that, they sound like men who keep getting better and better for themselves and not for their audience, so I think Father of All… was a courageous fuck you to the music industry and to some of their fans still stuck in a 1993 album and I vvibe DEEPLY with that. 

I absolutely adore Green Day and have been listening to them since I was 7 and they have been a band longer than I have been a person. I mean 34 years to 22? The band was already in middle school by the time I decided to show up. And they have grown, from young adults when they released Dookie to actual middle-aged men, and I don’t like this culture of expecting artists to keep making the same things through 30 years, I think it’s what people think they want but when it happens, see Red Hot Chilli Peppers, they don’t like it. 

I believe fans exist to support and to understand artists and their decisions. As a fan of Green Day, I think we have to be grateful that they are still a band and still releasing new songs, also, still giving 300% of energy at every single concert. I always say a Green Day concert is an experience in itself, the way Billie Joe leads the crowd, the way he is 100% present, it’s a difficult thing to find these days, it’s raw, it’s glorious.

So I think Father of All… is good, not because I love it, but because I feel like I understand where it comes from, and am just happy they are still growing and experimenting and happy to be doing it as a band and the fact that they decide to share it with us, I love that. I think, considering the albums that come before, but not Revolution Radio, so yeah, the trilogy, it’s simply growth, evolution and I can almost feel them laughing through it.

In conclusion, I don’t think Father of All… is their best album, but I think it is the first glance we got of one. 

VVIBE CHECKING: Imploding the Mirage by The Killers

There's a strong divine element on Imploding the Mirage and I vvibe deeply with it. I think Brandon Flowers finally overcame the commercial success that Battleborn was 

Sam’s Town feels like a prayer and so does The Desired Effect, I’m gonna be honest, despite being a huge The Killers’ fan, I haven’t listened to all of their albums, I feel like later on in life I’m gonna have a new The Killers phase, but at the moment I’m having a Declan McKenna phase. 

But I always feel like there are divine elements in their albums, Hot Fuss has a little bit of it in All These Things That I’ve Done, Sam’s Town is the champion, the whole album feels like prayer, and Imploding the Mirage is really close to it but I can’t tell if more or less of the vibe right now because it’s too recent. Battleborn has it in some songs like Flesh and Bone which gives me real chills and is the number one song that feels like a prayer on my “songs that feel like praying” playlist. 

From the first images they revealed, I felt this feeling could be coming back in the album, but when they released it, it was so much more than I had anticipated. Someone said to me that this album is depressing but I don’t agree. I think it’s inspiring, the same way Alex Turner made an entire album about decadence by embracing it, I think Brandon Flowers learned from it. Brandon’s lyrics sound and feel like a person who has found true glory would.

It wasn’t going to be easy to write a masterpiece after the commercial success of Battleborn, that I consider to be a masterpiece album that is basically everything an album by them should be amped to the max, it’s romantic, it’s a little sad and it’s divine, but I feel like Imploding the Mirage is everything and a little bit more. It’s mature, it's something that has healed and it's celestial. It’s not Miss Atomic Bomb, it’s Dying Breed, Brandon is not talking about treason and regret, he’s fighting for real love, he is finally safe, secure, after years of anxious love songs, full of overthinking, deception and miscommunication.

It feels self-conscious in a good way, this has been a recurrent theme throughout their songs but this time it sounds more sincere, I mean: “but man I thought I could fly, and when I hit the ground, it made a messed up sound and it kept on rattling through my days” won me over 02:05 minutes into the album, it’s mature, it told me what this album was about and it was like hearing someone who finally got to the place they were supposed to be, like breathing deeply after holding your breath for a little too long. 

Neil Z. Yeung from ALLMUSIC said “feels like more than just one of their best albums, but a triumphant and invigorated rut-reversal that shines with a hard-won confidence.” and I couldn't agree more.

Wonderful Wonderful was a big flop, and I think now the band is back on track and ready to take on the world all over again, not with another Mr. Brightside, like everybody expects them to make, but with the ease and grace of a band who consciously found their voice and is never gonna lose it again.

A VVIBE: Arctic Monkeys live

I was thinking about it yesterday and I really wish I could see them live again. The way Alex Turner writes lyrics, it just charms me, because it’s so easy to feel them under your skin. I feel like the lyrics to Alex’s love songs melt in your mouth like chocolate when you sing them, they feel so good on your tongue. Actually, Alex’s songs, in general, feel good in the mouth, all of them, there’s a sensation that accompanies his lyrics that I can’t describe, it’s like saying the right thing at the right time maybe? Anyway, it feels good in your ears, when you hum them under your breath, and even better when you scream them in a crowd at the top of your lungs.

And I feel like they are personal to him, they are far from vague but in the vaguest way possible if that makes any sense. It’s like he knows how to talk about things in a way that’s vague enough to resonate with other people, yet the details he gives us are sometimes so specific that you can’t help but feel like this was part of his life? I was talking to a friend about it and it’s a little cringy when you think about the songs because of this, but when you are actually listening to them, it’s a completely different feeling.

Suck it and See is personally my favorite album by them, the second half is raw in a way that truly describes what heartbreak feels like and I just vvibe deeply with it. It also talks about love in a way that really pleases me, it feels real. From falling in love to falling apart, it’s a journey that I feel like Alex just knows too well, actually, I know he does because he writes about it in a way that only people who have truly been to heaven and hell know how.

That’s why I think an Arctic Monkeys concert is so personal, take The Killers for an example, their concert is a divine experience, it feels like your upper body is radiating light, to me most of the songs feel like a connection with God and divine energy that Brandon knows how to put in his songs, but in an Arctic Monkeys concert everybody sings 505 to a different person, everybody screams “I crumble completely when you cry” for a personal and particular reason and it’s about the crowd, it’s about you and the taste you feel in your mouth. I personally feel the taste of youth when I sing 505 because it reminds me of my teenage years and the way I wish someone had felt like about me back then.

These songs just hit different live, not that they weren’t already an experience in my earbuds but I remember thinking I had to listen to them live just to have this moment, just so I could scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs because they feel so right and they feel so good.

What concert would you like to see again? Why?

"no thoughts, head empty"- Alex Turner, 2018 alt. title: VVIBE WITH ME: a review of tranquility base hotel and casino in leopard print and shorts

vvibing to the Arctic Monkeys' The Ultracheese, I'm a firm believer that if you didn't like Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino you are just not really listening to it and letting it tell its story. It tells you everything you need to know to like it, from the moment Alex sings that he just wanted to be one of The Strokes at the beginning of the album to the moment he sings that he's probably not deep in thought, that's just his face.

The evolution from AM to Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino is delightful to see, AM being the top, the maximum fame that Arctic Monkeys has ever had with the catchy songs and the construction of Alex's character during that period; You know,  going from the whole bad boy look of the 50s, the way AM talks about parties and bars and people to TBHC being the opposite of it, talking about the illusion of fame with a debauched tone but at the same time with a touch of loneliness, like a drunk person who makes fun of the situation he is in but knows that in the background there’s a little bit of truth to the jokes. The way it talks about dressing up like a fictional character from a place he calls America seems to me like a perfect response to the life he lived back in the AM era.

AM is a peak album, an album dazzled by a surreal American world and perfect to conquer American youth and TBHC is a deep dive in this tattered illusion, a beautiful album about decadence. In a way I feel like AM has an adolescent energy, perhaps because I listened to it a lot during my teenage years, but also because of the way Alex Turner describes things in such a dramatic way, full of life or death, love or hate, in the lyrics and sounds like someone who's drunk on teenage power. The disappointment of AM is not the same as that of TBHC, the disappointment of the former is singular, it’s a person; while in TBHC it’s the world, it’s the creative scene, it is the industry. I feel like the band but mostly Alex, understood that trying to make another AM was simply ridiculous so even if unconsciously they embraced the idea that the thing after that was decadence and they built an entire reality around it, like what would decadence feel like? How does it sound? How does it look? And to them it looked like the vacation spot on the moon, far away from humanity but still human, being treated like a god and then being forgotten.

The criticism towards society is also so on point in this one, while AM was quite empty in this subject, a thing that pops up every now and then in Arctic Monkeys’ songs, see Teddy Picker for an example, Tranquility Base just goes deep into it, from technology to politics and not in a forceful way, I mean it’s clearly there, but it’s also not just about it and it’s not a political album like the openly critical about the government American Idiot by Green Day. Alex sings very delicately about the way social habits have changed in the era of social media in The Ultracheese, talking about freaking out from a knock at the door when you haven’t been expecting one, and satirizes advertising in Four Out of Five with the idea of selling people things in the verge of an apocalypse.

The way he does not demonize any of these things, but just kind of brings it up, makes me feel like there’s a bright future for the band even after the great success of AM and the popular hate on TBHC. It feels contemporary, I feel that in a personal level Alex is aware he’s aging and he doesn’t try to stop it, he embraces it, he collaborates with new younger artists and he is not the young and wild rockstar anymore, and I am talking about the way I read it, but he feels secure in his age and it shows so much that it feels like to the outside world he is perceived as cooler than he has ever been because Alex writes about this part of probably his career without making us listeners feel like it’s just an old man's complaint.

One other thing I really like in this album is this dark and golden vibe it has, the '70s inspired aesthetic, I think it ties well to the idea of decay and rejection of modernity right now since the '70s were an era of embracing modernity and rejecting tradition, people who didn't agree with the technological advances of the time or failed to open their minds to a new moment in history were left to decay and be forgotten. I think the fastest way to decay is to not accept and embrace modernity like I can see this in my own generation in the way people reject Tik Tok just because it’s new, it’s young and dumb when in reality it being young and dumb is what makes it so amazing. Being open-minded and getting in touch with another generation and at least partially understanding them is a blessing and I think the band understands this so although people hated the album back in 2018, I feel like it’s on the way to becoming a modern classic.

vibing in leopard print shirt from Zara (R$119, 2018), running shorts, that I bought because "make some noise" is written on them and I just really like MCR, from Renner (R$69, 2018), sunglasses (R$40), old ass picture of NYC that is around 11 years old (R$??????)

What did you think of Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino? How are you feeling about the end of the world?

VVIBING IN: Alphets to scandalize my mother

 This was the very start of this blog, 22nd of October? November? I don’t remember exactly but I remember I said a big "fuck this".

I looked at Mark Foster's outfit for the cover of Foster The People's latest album, aka Sacred Hearts Club, and I thought “Mark Foster doesn't think about what he wears with the cheetah print coat”, like I did, always with an all-black outfit and heels, “he is a star, he just wears whatever he wants and no one questions it.” and that was the energy I wanted in my life.

vibing in a leopard print fur coat from c&a (R$ 99, 2016), iron man t-shirt from renner (R$39), running shorts from renner (R$69), ironing board (R$????)

So I started flirting with the idea of testing the limits of ridiculous, unusual, eccentric and all the outfits in this blog are part of this, I see it as a year-long exercise, let’s see how weird I can get till October next year. I haven’t worn most of them out because… well, because of the pandemic, but I am so excited to wear them.

Dressing up has never been more fun than this, and scandalizing my mother has always been fun, so no news on that front, she thinks everything I wear is hideous, she has always been very classic, like Chanel perfumes, she was an executive secretary when she was younger.

Back to the point, I want to make fun of myself at this point, and of my degree, what’s the fun in graduating in Fashion Design if you can’t wear what you want, right?

Give me suggestions on things to test! Color combinations, print combinations, anything, if I have it available to wear I will make an outfit and tag you! Maybe challenge you to wear something different too! Could be fun, what do you think?

HALLOWEEN VVIBES

 This is a Halloween special and I am sorry for having no legs as a skeleton, it’s not my fault, Renner hasn’t made skeleton pants yet.

I love Halloween, like any other alternative bitch. I think it’s a vibe. Me and my college friends have been celebrating together for the last 2 years but this year we won’t be able to because of the pandemic.

The pandemic hasn’t been easy, it’s weird to think I haven’t seen my friends in months. I miss them a lot, and our shenanigans the most, going to haunted thrift shops and eating Arab food, drinking soda at the bar, and complaining...

There was this one time we went to a thrift shop so haunted that it seems to me, now that I remember it, that we were actually stuck in another dimension for a couple of hours. I swear to you, that shop was infinite, the more we walked through it the bigger and weirder it got, there were used bed frames and baby cradles, industrial sinks, couches, as well as used books, CDs and clothes, but everything, especially the room full of old bed frames and cradles, was so haunted, even remembering it gives me the creeps, 0/10, would not go back there. Tina went there the other day and found a really cute dress.

vvibing in a skeleton sweater from (R$ 99, sale price, 2019), skeleton gloves (R$?, 2014), skeleton socks (R$12, 2019), a lobster cap (R$30max, 2018), all from renner, vintage-inspired combination shorts (R$ I made them, 2018), and sunglasses (R$40, 2019)

There was this other shop, which seemed to be run by gnomes dressed as tiny old ladies, it’s so humid and hot in there, the light is fluorescent and weirdly weak amid all the stuff they have as if there’s so much water in the air, so much clothing and shoes and toys that the light barely touches the floor. The clothes hang in parallel metal racks and you can easily open up space and walk through the clothes, or make a window to have weird chats.

To me, that shop is the definition of a faery portal. The shoes stay on shelves or on the floor, under the clothes that are near a wall, and to buy things you have to hand them to an old lady (possibly fae) who will write the prices on a piece of paper that you take to the front desk to pay for. While you are paying, the things you bought are brought to you by another lady, and you are left waiting for your friends, sitting on the sidewalk.

The weirdest thing is that we have no pictures of this shop. We took pictures in all of the other shops we went to that day, but none there.

Sometimes I wonder, if I say my name to one of the old ladies, will I be trapped there? If I tell them my name will I turn into an old lady and be forced to work there forever?

Have you ever been to places that seemed normal at first but something was off?

HALLOWEEN, SKELETON COSTUME, SKELETON, SKELETON MEMES, SPOOKY, LOJAS RENNER, SUÉTER DE ESQUELETO, SKELETON SWEATER

VVIBE WITH ME: a very emotional review of Derry Girls

I have watched Derry Girls more than 3 times, I watched it with my brother, I forced my parents to watch it with me and long story short, I just vvibe with this show.

I love Derry Girls for a number of reasons, most of them related to the fact it’s beautifully written. It’s the most delicate and realistic show about teenagers that I’ve ever seen even though it’s a comedy. I have yet to see Euphoria, but honestly, I don’t think there’s a show airing that understands so gracefully how messy being a teenager really is. It reminds me a lot of Inbetweeners but it’s so much better, it’s not only written by a woman, it shows women, young and old, in a realistic and funny, yet not disrespectful, way.

I love the way Erin’s parents are written, Mary and Gerry are a wonderful couple and Mary clearly runs everything but Gerry is not just a dad, he is the dad, he picks up food, he wants his kid to be happy, he loves his wife and her family and even though Grandpa Joe is always being rude. I love how stuff doesn’t affect Mary and Gerry’s relationship, they are just good parents, they are well-written parents.

There are two moments that make me think of this, one is when Gerry sees Erin and the crew at the concert in Belfast, never fails to make me cry happy tears, the other is when Mary doesn't give Erin money to buy a dress for the dance, but genuinely cares about Erin going, even when her date doesn’t show up.

Erin is ambitious, Michelle is unapologetic, Clare is smart, Orla is crazy, the kind of person who could be a star in the creative world. But they are far from perfect, I mean, an American rewrite would make Erin a journalism prodigy, Clare the perfect A student obsessed with Harvard, also Michelle would be the most beautiful girl at school and Orla an art genius, but they are not that, they are weird because they are not who they are supposed to be yet.

An American rewrite would also make Jenny a mean girl but that's the beauty of Derry Girls, Jenny is not a mean girl, she's just annoying like most people you'll meet in real life who are not bad or mean or cruel, they are just annoying and boring, and that's fine.

Let's be real, we all know a Jenny in real life

Now talking about being a teenager, as much as I like to pretend that my teenage years were wild, they were actually pretty boring, besides almost hooking up with a teacher and pining after a guy 8 years older than me that has always been ridiculously respectful, it was also throwing up in front of said guy and sitting alone at a party wishing said teacher would pick me up. I did kiss a boy who was in a band, that was cool, maybe the coolest night of my high school, my friends were doing body shots between their boobs and I was kissing the most handsome boy at the party, it was the adolescence Skins had promised us I guess, I mean I never watched Skins, because, when I was 15, I was watching Doctor Who and Sherlock, I was, even if I didn't want to admit back in the day, still a kid.

Anyway, being a teenager is usually an awkward act of pretending you know what to do until you figure out what to do and by the time you figure it out, you’re probably around 20 or 21 and being a teenager is disappointing too, you spend your entire childhood imagining and watching things about being older and going out and living incredible things and when you get to it you are just pimply, awkward, restless and you have no money or permission to do things like go to the places cool older people go like bars and parties. So it’s an age of frustration and learning to deal with it and also the pressures of the real world.

And no one tells you that being a teenager is ridiculous and frustrating because kids just don’t know it yet and adults like to pretend their adolescence was perfect and wild and fun and even when they talk about the bad moments, they tell you about it in such a nostalgic way like even the bad moments were good you know? I wonder if that could be one reason for such high rates of teenagers suffering from depresh.

In conclusion, Derry Girls just gets it, the lack of power in being a teenager but also thinking you are unstoppable and immortal, and not in a Euphoria or Skins way, but immortal as in giving yourself too much importance when honestly you are just 17 and no one really cares about what you do and the stuff you are up to or will care in a couple of years. I think what most shows don’t get about adolescence is the fact that teenagers want power, they want freedom or at least their image of freedom. Maybe it’s traveling with their friends, maybe it’s being heard, maybe it’s being able to do things without getting permission from your parents. But the fact is that Derry Girls gets it, it’s about the longing for freedom and power and not actually having it, because all the girls have parents that show up constantly throughout the show, and more than that those parents are people too. They are not just filler characters, in the Take That concert episode, when all the moms are having tea discussing what they are gonna do when the girls get back, it’s so real, it feels like a conversation my mom would have had 7 years ago with my best friends’ moms and it feels nice.

All stills were taken from the Derry Girls IMDB page.