So I’ve been reading Shadow and Bone after watching the netflix show and I’ve read that the Darkling is based on the author's own story of abuse and I respect that, but she wrote him in a way that I can’t help but sympathize with him. The entire first half of the first book of the series writes him as someone who’s not really that bad, I mean, apart from murder and treason, that isn’t really shown until the second half, he’s just a powerful troubled man, who’s quickly falling for this promising young woman, and doesn’t know what to do with his hands. From what we gather when we first meet him in the book, he wants to give Alina everything and more, he wants her beside him, powerful, brilliant.
What is not to like? Am I supposed to delete that from my brain after 3 pages of Darkling slander? I mean sure this is a murder machine we are talking about but hey, the author ended up writing a lovable murder machine and there isn’t much I can do about it. This man wants to see Alina in her glory, he wants her to shine, to be a saint, to learn how to use her powers and be healthy (the whole grisha thing about having to use their powers to keep their good health), above everything he gives her security, comfort, support and a good environment to grow in the little palace, well until she runs away, betrays his trust, tries to murder him and gets back with that annoying little bitch aka Mal.
Like I am not saying he is a good person and that he did all of these things out of having a good heart and a caring disposition. He did plan to use her power, but he wasn’t exactly an asshole about it from the beginning. I honestly think, in the way the story is told it just seems like he wanted to give her all of that and have her by his side willingly, the entire romantic subplot is a separate thing, it’s a coincidence that happened out of this man’s 500 years of waiting and finally she is there, and she glows and she laughs and smiles and he is smitten, but it was his plan to have her willingly by his side all along. If the author tries to paint him as a mastermind, a brilliant manipulator, she failed hard because he’s either very bad at it or his intentions were too hidden from the reader, like, even a scene that felt suspicious, like Alina listening to something she shouldn’t have, out of context but still weird enough to have her alarmed could have helped set him in this role better than the sequence passionate, sincere, heated kiss, argument with Mal, Bahgra and running away.
I am not saying he wasn’t gaslighting her when he pulled the whole “did you think about how I felt?” card but 1) he may be onto something because back in the little palace it was Bahgra’s word against his; 2) this man is doing his best to protect the country and his people, even if his personal best is bad, like he is ruthless but he does have a point, even if the way he is trying to make his statement is fucked up. When Alina goes back to Mal, she becomes that sick, weak girl again and she has to worry about him and what he thinks of her every step of the way. She constantly has to make herself smaller to fit his life and it just doesn’t sit right with me.
If Mal had been accepting of her powers than I could have given him a chance, but he just acts like Alina is supposed to be the sickly orphan he always knew, instead of letting her be the powerful, beautiful, ambitious woman she was not only born to be, she starts showing signs of wanting to be in Siege and Storm when she’s negotiating the terms of her return to Os Alta with Nikolai. I’m still in the middle of the second book so there’s still a lot to uncover.
And I don’t want to be all Darkling about it, but Alina wasn’t born to be a good wife to a soldier and live a simple life on a farm and raise Mal’s kids. If she wasn’t fit to do it before she had powers, why the fuck would she be fit to do it after becoming one of the most powerful people in Ravka? Like, to me, Mal just wants to bring her down, back where he had her before, a girl with a crush on her best friend, because it made him important and it made her invisible. It’s selfish and cruel. I don’t agree with Aleksander in everything, I mean, he is a murderer after all, but I can’t help but think Alina would be better off with him, someone who not only matches her power but wants to see her thrive, he wants her to see him and still love him, he wants to corrupt her and it still sounds better than whatever the fuck she and Mal are doing up until this point, because as Aleks and Nikolai have pointed out, this girl has the power to save the country and she was running away; at this point, say what you will, but her hands are just as bloody as anyone else’s, even if she didn’t want the power, even if she didn’t want to be a symbol of hope.
Personally, I have reached a point in my head that is more “let Alina be corrupted for all I care, if it means she is loved, if it means she is adored” and less “let’s see Aleksander’s redemption arc”, because let’s face it, none of his actions put her in a bad light, he always framed himself as the villain, she was always supposed to be the one people loved. I’ve seen spoilers, I know how it will go but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it because at this point in my life, I am a good person and I will continue being a good person, but it’s what I would’ve wanted for me. I don’t want to reform anyone, I want to be adored and loved and I want to give it all back, I don’t want the trouble of making a man better if he already loves me, or even the trouble of having to cut out parts of myself to fit somebody else’s idea of me. I want both me and Alina to have the damn cake and eat it too.
I identify with her a little too much, but as someone who had a relationship with someone older who showed her affection no other boy has ever come close to compare, I would rather have it from the deranged old dude, and feel worshipped, loved, secure, knowing it’s us against the world, than to have a third of it from the boy I left in my past back when I didn’t know what love was supposed to look like and thought if he was willing to be with me, even if he never bothered to make me feel secure, it should be enough, I should be grateful.
In conclusion, I think Mal is toxic and Alina doesn’t deserve this kind of “love”, the Darkling wasn’t right but he did have a point and people who can’t recognize it are in a state of denial, and that’s not any of my business. Nikolai is nice but he has too much gemini energy and it annoys me sometimes because I am a gemini myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment